You have to watch this video to understand...lol...
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Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
How to cheat and not get caught (for guys)
Let's admit it; cheating is an art form. It takes great consideration and thinking to do it without getting caught. So, let's review some of the tips for doing it.
1. Delete SMS's, emails and your handphone's call history
There's no need to hang on to these for sentimental reasons. Once you've read them, just delete them. Yes, it's nice to look at these texts and reminisce on the wonderful time that you had lying in between the spread legs of that other woman but don't forget, they also represent damning evidence of your infidelity.
2. Think of any possible 'backlinks'
Think of ways in which the person that you're cheating with is connected to your partner. For example, she has a cousin who is coincidentally your partner's neighbour. With 2 degrees of separation like that, cheating with this girl would be extremely risky. Try to aim for those with at least 5 degrees of separation. But then again, there might just be one critical 'link' that you overlook. So, in actually fact, there would actually be only 1 degree of separation between that girl and your partner. Well, cheating is a risky business.
3. Cheat with the right people
Pick who you intend to cheat with wisely. Don't shag the busty, single waitress who works at Hooters and can't seem to stop talking even for one second. Go for someone who has just as much to lose if people found out about the affair ie. women who are already in a relationship. That way, they'll be less likely to kiss and tell, which is why websites that cater soley to extramarital affairs are very popular. The database for their users are staggering, which is to be expected since these kinds of websites offer anonymity as well as ease of finding someone for cheating. What's more is that there are no time wasters. Those people on these kind of sites are only there for one thing and thus, they don't beat around the bush at all. Those women who register on these kind of sites are only intent on sex, which of course, saves you the hassle of having to woo them beforehand.
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Saturday, February 13, 2010
How to win any argument with your gf/wife
1.Use reasons with an emotional basis to them
Let's face it, unlike men, women are emotional creatures,They have the capacity to use both sides of their brain for emotional processing. That is a proven scientific fact. Thus, how they feel at any given moment tend to affect their decisions, more so than how these feelings would affect guys. In addition, these feelings tend to becarried forward to a much longer time than necessary. For example, let's say someone bumped into her this morning on her way to work. Believe me, that is enough to ruin her day and she would be pissed off all day long whereas if the same thing were to happen to a guy, he would just brush it off and go on with his day. So, when citing reasons to support your argument, use those that are laden with emotions. For eg. let's say you're late for your anniversary dinner. Don't say that the car won't start and you had to tinker with the engine for a while to get it running again, even though that's the truth. Say something like maybe, you were on your way to the restaurant and you saw a kid horribly crashing his bike on the sidewalk so you had to stop your car and make sure that he was ok. In short, using reasons with emotions connected to them will make her sympathise with you more readily.
2. Use the phrase 'how would you feel if....' followed by whatever the other person has done to you
This is one that's easy to use. If your gf or wife has wronged you and yet, she's adamant that she's right, well, use this method. Let her put herself in your shoes. More often than not, she will admit her mistake. Sure, some women would never admit their mistakes. In that case, nothing will work with them so I suggest just dumping them. There's no point in being with such women, unless of course, you don't really care about your relationship and you're only using her for sex. (I don't do this of course but yeah, there are men who do this. I don't condone it but to each his own.)
3. Guilt trip
This is a classic. I think it's best to explain this with an example. So, you'll probably say something like you know, today I had a really bad day at the office, I was late for the division meeting cos my stomach was acting up and my boss almost fired me. It was truly a really bad day but I kept saying to myself, it's ok, I will get to see Katja (the name of your partner) tonight. I just need to get through this day and it'll all be over. She's gonna make everything alright. Then as soon as I come back home tonight, despite my looking forward to seeing you, we're arguing instead, over some silly thing.
Of course, it goes without saying that all these are done with that sad, puppy-dog look on your face and a slow, disappointed sigh.
As for women, there's basically just 1 sure-fire way. Hold off on sex. Of course, this is assuming that the both of you are already in a sexual relationship. Yep, that's basically it. Your guy will apologise faster than mashed poop coming out from a full-blown dysentery patient. (of course, assuming that the both of you are already in a sexual relationship)
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A chat with a bigot...
No tips this time. I just wanna post the chat that I had in some random chat room yesterday. I woke up to pee but then I couldn't get back to sleep so I just googled 'free chatroom' and I went into one randomly. I think it was called Spin chat or smthg. Anyway, I signed in as a guest and this was how it went with the first person there.
nicegirl20: asl?
me: Oh God, do u always start all ur chats like this? U don't even bother to say hi
nicegirl20: sori but I need to know before we chat cuz I don't talk to pakis or blacks, only whites
(now, at this moment, I must say, I was rather shocked but still, a plan was starting to form.....)
me: I see. Yeah, I tend to stick to whites as myself too
(which is of course, a lie. My friends are coloured like skittles)
nicegirl20: I'm relieved you're white like me
(anyway, we soon got talking, nothing much, just a bit of random banter with jokes here and there. Then, after about 10 mins or so, I put the finishing touches to my master plan....)
me: well, it was nice chatting with u. I gotta go now
nicegirl20: wait, this is my msn. ______ @live.co.uk. Add me, ok?
(I knew she was gonna say that.)
me: sure, no problem. BTW, I'm actually from Pakistan, u know ;)
(which is again, a lie. Now, here's her reply before she logged off...)
nicegirl20: You smelly bastard!
[ERROR] User nicegirl20 is not in chat (anymore)
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Friday, February 5, 2010
How to lose weight sensibly
Alright, I must say that I've never had any problems with my weight. I mean, I'm one of those people with high metabolism and I can pig out often and still not pack a pound. Yes, you girls might think that I'm so lucky but trust me, for a guy, it's not that good. It's very hard for me to gain weight (by weight, I mean muscle) For me to just put on a few measly pounds of muscle, I would normally have to eat much, much more than usual. This is one of the things that usually puts me off going to the gym. Shit, I'm going off on a tangent here. Anyway, let's discuss today's tips on losing weight the sensible way. Here we go...
1. Do cardio exercises before your first meal of the day
Let's examine the word 'breakfast'. Literally, it means to break fast, which is true since while you're sleeping, for that duration of 6-8 hours, you don't take in any food or drinks. Now, as soon as you wake up, you're probably really hungry since the energy from yesterday's dinner has already been metabolised by your body. Any cardio exercise, for eg. aerobics and running, during this time will result in optimal fat burning since the body will turn to your fat reserves for energy. In fact, most military forces have morning exercises right after reveille and before breakfast. Any duration from 20-30 minutes of cardio exercise should be sufficient and it has to be done 3-4 times a week. Yes, by the end of the session, you will probably feel like you barely have any energy left to even unclench your butt cheeks to let out that fart but that's a clear sign that your fat reserves are being utilised ie. being burnt. What if I don't have time to do any cardio exercises before breakfast? Well, in that case, a few hours before your cardio workout, refrain from taking in any food and only take in fluids.
2. Watch what you stuff into your mouth!!!
Ok, the first step deals with burning off the excess fat that you have. That step will be nullified if after your cardio workout and for the rest of the day, you only pig out on junk food. If that's the case, then you might as well not take the trouble to do any cardio exercise early in the morning before your breakfast. In all honesty, what's the point? After all, your weight will most likely remain the same since whatever little weight that you've just lost for that day is quickly gained back, within that same day itself. So, please, take care of your nutrition. No, I'm not telling you to be a vegetarian and munch on nothing but salad. Just eat sensibly. Reduce your intake of fried food and food laden with sugar, salt and sauces. Steamed or boiled dishes are often a safe bet. Yes, cheat days are permissible but don't make it a habit. Once in a while, indulge yourself with some well-earned treat like Godiva chocolates or Rocky road ice-cream.
3. Eat small meals, 3-5 times a day
Having heavy meals only strains your stomach and results in you feeling lethargic and sluggish right after those meals while eating small meals helps to keep your body's metabolism high throughout the day, which of course, contributes to fat burning. So, instead of eating 3 big meals a day, have small ones 3-5 times per day. This is one lifestyle change that can be difficult to manage but it's not impossible.
Oh and one last thing, I always hear people bitching that they don't have time to exercise and all that. Ok, let me ask you something. Let's say you have loads of work and deadlines to meet but still, you do eat dinner right? You still pick up your kids from school, don't you? Or even take the time to help out your daughter with her homework, wouldn't you? Why would you do all these things? It's simply because we consider these things to be priorities in our life. And so, if keeping in shape and being healthy is an important priority as it should be, then by all means, make time for it. There are so many avenues where we can fit exercise into our busy routines. We can take the stairs instead of the escalator. Maybe park a bit further away from the office so we can get a bit of briskwalking done. Honestly, I'm not trying to be harsh or anything but it all boils down to our priorities and the things that we value in life. For me, I strive to keep fit not just for myself but also for my future wife and grandkids. (until of course, they hit puberty and start hating everybody...then, maybe I'll reconsider ;)
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